Why are Old People So Weird? Or So Some Say!

Not All Old People Are Created Equally

Once upon a time I had a friend, (seriously, I’m telling the truth now…I really did) and we worked together in our very early fifties.

But…one day I overheard him telling people,

“Well, when you get as old as I am you just don’t move around like you used to … ” and blah, blah!

WHAT? I couldn’t believe that he was seriously using the age-card at fifty, but I assume he had his reasons.

For one, he was rather rotund and, shall we say, not very meticulous in his work habits. Regardless, to say something would not get done because he was too old to do what was needed…well, as his manager, I was at a loss.

Having a nearly constant curmudgeonly look on his face, as if the entire planet irritated him, he once paced back and forth in front of coworker’s office while she was on a phone call, he frightened her so much that she called me and asked me to have him leave her office. She actually thought he was going to harm her and locked her office door.

Of course, he had no such intention, but merely had no idea the perception some took of his less-than-jovial presence.

That story brings up the question: How old is old?

Old is the moment you begin to use your age as an excuse, rather than a story.

If I hadn’t personally known a man who, at 102 years old was more active than most my age (73), I might have a different view of things. But when a man begins to gesture at time as the reason he no longer tries—that’s when he becomes old.

When we begin to trade curiosity for complaint. When our movement becomes chore rather than choice. When our effort feels beneath us and blame floats like a lazy ghost behind our eyes. That’s when we truly become old.

As for my former friend, instead of owning up to his excess one hundred pounds or better, his lack of exercise…and his desire to just sit in front of a workbench with his computer in front of him, he tried to buy sympathy with borrowed years.

And what was worse—he scared people. Because he was trying to force the world to adapt to his own comfort—when it didn’t, his constant irritation glowed like a lightbulb.

Consequently old is not a number. Old is when you stop adapting and start resenting.

To the eyes of our children and others, “old” looks like this:

Replying “Okay” to a text… with a period.
So aggressive, Grandma. Why are you mad?
Watching the local news like it’s a Shakespearean play.
Weather, traffic, and news: calling it fake news while repeating it to others as gospel.
Forwarding email chains with FWD: Important!!!”
It needs lots of exclamation points to indicate the irritation of posting it
Referring to the Internet as “Google.”
“Why is my Google so slow?”
Sharing every Facebook CLICKBAIT message with your friends.
“Another funny saying.” “Isn’t this the cutest?” “This is so true.”
Giving out personal information on the Internet like halloween candy.
Responding to “What was your favorite teacher’s name in third grade?” —asking to be hacked.
Talking to automated menus like they’re people.
“REPRESENTATIVE! I SAID—REPRESENTATIVE!”
Wearing socks with sandals… and not ironically.
It’s “fashion meets support hose.” Future youth will call it “Eldercore.”
Saving plastic bags inside other plastic bags.
It’s the Matryoshka (nested dolls) of groceries.
Using speakerphone… in public… at full blast.
Everyone at Walgreens now knows Aunt Marlene’s gallbladder issues.
Calling everything newer than the year 2000 “fancy.”
“Oh, you’ve got one of those fancy phones, I don’t need all that, I just need to make a phone call.”
Taking the soaps and ointments from hotels
“Because we paid for them.” (No, Margaret, you paid for the room, not a year’s supply of lavender hand lotion.)
Holding the door for others, especially their spouse.
I don’t know why he’s doing that, it’s not like he’s gonna get lucky later.
Driving in the outside lane at or below the speed limit
He’s just trying to teach the world to obey the law, as is the job of every old person.

Aging is a must-do, and we all do it differently

However, there is such a thing as aging with dignity. Recognizing that, just because that’s how WE did it, does not mean that it was the only way, or necessarily, the right way.

Also, to use aging as an excuse to no longer try, or care, is a resignation from living. Of course, to adapt does not mean that we need to accept, but means, instead, that we do not allow the actions of others to make our lives miserable.

We are still humans, but to gain the respect we deserve, we cannot retire into the sunset with our excuses flapping like loose shoelaces behind us?